21 Reasons Everyone Should Move To Scotland Immediately

1. Because we’re good at defending ourselves from marauders…

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It helps that a lot of us used to be marauders ourselves. Top tip: Don’t mess with the people of Shetland, because most of them are descended from Vikings.

2. …we rarely shy away from a fight…

...we rarely shy away from a fight...

Especially if there’s an opportunity to kick someone in the balls.

3. … and our terrifying threats send chills down the spines of our enemies.

... and our terrifying threats send chills down the spines of our enemies.

“We’re gonnae batter you like a fucking pizza, pal.”

4. Because we’ve got plenty of room…

Because we've got plenty of room...

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Everyone moved away from the Highlands and Islands because we wanted to be able to get Ocado home delivery, so there’s plenty of space up north.

5. …and we’re extremely welcoming…

...and we're extremely welcoming...

6. …but we have fairly high standards, too.

We can’t just let anyone in, after all.

7. Because we’ve got shitloads of whisky…

Because we've got shitloads of whisky...

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Whisky is also known as the water of life, which means its basically a health drink. Also, if you drink enough of it you won’t care that 2016 is a trash-fire nightmare.

8. …and all the essential supplies you need.

...and all the essential supplies you need.

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Like this beautiful full Scottish breakfast, which contains all the vital nutrients you need to survive the New World Order: crunchy bits, toast, grease, and beans.

9. Plus you can train Aberdeen seagulls to find food.

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The food they find will mostly be Doritos, but at least they’ll be free.

10. Because Scotland is tranquil as fuck.

Because Scotland is tranquil as fuck.

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Going for a walk along the Strathaird Peninsula will soothe your worries. Not least because it’s over 4,000 miles away from the continental United States.

11. And there are plenty of lookout points.

And there are plenty of lookout points.

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The Old Man of Storr on Skye is the perfect place to keep watch for angry mobs driven into wild rages by the rapidly increasing price of Marmite.

12. And lots of places to hide.

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No one will find you in Smoo Cave. Not even Trump’s shape-shifting extraterrestrial reptilian army intent on bringing the whole world under His Supreme Dominion.

13. Because our politicians are total badasses.

And they’re not afraid to stand up for themselves. Oan yersel’, Nicola hen.

14. And when the ice caps melt, you can escape to this nifty home on stilts.

Bring it on, rising floodwaters caused by climate change!

15. Because you could set up camp on a secluded beach beside a tropical-looking sea.

Because you could set up camp on a secluded beach beside a tropical-looking sea.

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Don’t actually try and swim in this shimmering teal water beside Seilebost beach, though. Unless you want your genitals to get frostbite and fall off.

16. Or retreat to an isolated mountain bothy that’s free to stay in.

Or retreat to an isolated mountain bothy that's free to stay in.

Like Camasunary Bothy on the Isle of Skye. But if you visit, make sure you follow the Bothy Code, even if you’re the last surviving human in a ravaged wasteland.

17. And you want to be completely cut off from the rest of the world, you could buy this remote island.

And you want to be completely cut off from the rest of the world, you could buy this remote island.

Lets all move to Shuna off the west coast, stock up on tinned food, and disconnect our Wi-Fi so we never have to know what happened after Brexit.

18. Because you can drive away from danger in his awesome, canvas-roofed ex-military truck…

Because you can drive away from danger in his awesome, canvas-roofed ex-military truck...

It’s called the Beer Moth, and it comes with a free axe. Ideal!

19. …hunker down in this very well-hidden home…

...hunker down in this very well-hidden home...

It’s highly unlikely that any shuffling hordes of post-nuclear holocaust mutant zombies will find you in this gorgeous turf-roofed eco-lodge on the Isle of Islay.

20. …or, if you’d prefer to put your faith in massive fortifications, how about this castle?

...or, if you'd prefer to put your faith in massive fortifications, how about this castle?

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You can ward off any number of bloodthirsty savages, Mad Max-style anarchists, and white walkers from Dunnottar Fortress in Aberdeenshire.

21. And, most importantly, because we’re home to the most inaccessible pub in the UK.

And, most importantly, because we're home to the most inaccessible pub in the UK.

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The Old Forge in Knoydart is listed by the Guinness Book of Records as the most remote pub on the British mainland. The pub is only accessible by boat or canoe, by an 18-mile hike over a mountain and through dense forest, or by seaplane.